I feel it’s right to say that my mind hasn’t been feeling well lately.
Summer has practically been a matter of my mind succumbing to irrational thoughts, constant obsessions, false judgements about my friends, comparison to my friends, overthinking, self -sabotaging and feeding my heart worthlessness. It reached its breaking point last week but I am somehow getting back up.
I am very fortunate to have people who are sticking by my side even after attempting to push away those closest to me . But I have realised that I have been missing out on opportunities, and it’s not because I wouldn’t want to take the chance. It’s just that I let my mind be engulfed by chaos which 90% of it is created by the mind itself AND therefore does not exist. And noticing this along the past week has made me feel overwhelmingly guilty, as I knew they were opportunities which I didn’t need to be afraid of taking. I have also become aware that the list of opportunities I can take is abundant, but I still have to pick which ones suit me best, and this doesn’t make my overthinking any better.
I’d like to believe in destiny: that everything happens for a reason and that our decisions reflect the path we are meant to be in. And even if those decisions are not the right one, they will lead me through a different route to where I’m meant to be. They will still somehow serve me well in the long run.
And to my present self who isn’t feeling in the right state of mind:
Don’t be hard on yourself for missing out on life because you didn’t take opportunities when you were obsessing over other things. Forgive yourself and use that energy to learn from your mistakes and learn to embrace the moment. Acknowledge your feelings. Please know you are still doing great things and they will get better and become clearer. I know you’re having trouble with trust but trust your gut and trust God. You are worth it to stick around! And your friends do love you!