I am posting this more than two years after beginning this blog and on the morning of my first graduation. Some may think that being euphoric and proud for oneself is a given during graduation time, but it has been hard for me to do so. I rationally know my successes and why I should feel proud of myself, but I rarely allow myself to let those become a part of my soul. To make matters worse, the past two days have reopened deep wounds of painful childhood memories. Feeling broken is more of an accurate description.
So I’m going to write this post about me: a woman who has a strength that I can’t fully process. A woman who has a heart big enough to understand and empathise with people who hurt her. A woman who is willing to be there for people even when she was at her lowest. A woman who chooses honesty over being liked. A woman who’d rather cry than bottles things up. A woman who doesn’t let past family struggles define her. A woman who still carries those struggles because she is still figuring out which are hers. A woman who didn’t let those struggles take over her capacity to love. A woman who is talented, intelligent, brave, funny and resilient. A woman who confronts anxiety provoking situations even when she feels she is not able to. A woman who loves making children happy and hopes that she gives them what she didn’t have in her childhood. A woman who isn’t afraid to dance in public if she wants to. A woman who kept on living even when she felt hopeless and worthless. A woman who completed a Bachelor Degree in Psychology whilst carrying all of this in her soul.
A year ago I was oblivious and petrified of where I would end up. But I am working in a job I never imagined I’d find myself in – and I couldn’t be happier. And I’m taking driving lessons. And working with children is definitely one of my dreams. I am starting to figure things out. I am learning to take boundaries.
I know people have their own hardships which should be acknowledged. And this might appear as self-patronising. I don’t know everything of what is going to happen in the near future. Not all is sunshine. But this is how I acknowledge my own story, even if you reading this only know a little about. I deserve to be proud about getting this far in life, not only on my graduation day. I am worth it.
Amidst the floods, the past three years at University have introduced me and helped me keep those people who understand me, support my dreams and love me for who I am. I am surrounded by strong, genuine people, passionate about music, poetry, film and anything related to arts and science and God. You guys are my people and I love you.
And to you who has gotten through hardships and is graduating today – you are a badass. Or you who has gotten through hardships and still decided to get up this morning – you too are a badass. It takes strength to keep living, and you are proof of it.
To feeling proud of myself for getting this far in life with a lot of baggage. And to realising that this adulting through life is something I can handle with the right support and mindset.
Give me my toga x