6 – Let it Be [a pep talk – not a spin off on The Beatles’ song]

hey Mer,

this might seem odd and cheesy to write a post to yourself on your own blog, but i felt that you needed this: with university work piling up as your motivation to do such work is decreasing, together with yourself allowing a billion doubts racing through the neurons of your brain about probably every single aspect in your life – about what was and what might be – and then becoming obsessed as to whether such thoughts are rational or irrational, so you end up overthinking about such a conflict which might not be real after all – and the vicious cycle continues even after your brain declines in trying to understand what you really want after all and you give up trying to figure out what is going on.

it’s ironic, because ’tis the season to be jolly: yet you’re ending up worrying about futile things which you cannot do much about right now, which in turn are making you feel overwhelmed to the point that you end up stuck – which makes feel you grumpy and pessimistic about everything which appears to be wrong in your life! yes, i know it becomes tiring to get through such obstacles during the day because they make you feel overwhelmed, but then again who doesn’t have such obstacles? EVERYONE: from the people you’re closest to, to those who might have drifted apart from you, are struggling with something – and although that thing might be different to yours, it doesn’t make their struggling any less valid. you’re right, you might be alone going through such a situation, but you’re definitely not alone trying to get through life. 

all i ask you to do is to let it be: to try not to over-analyse or believe every single thought passing through your mind but instead focusing on doing what’s most important for YOU right now. do the things which you know you love and which may turn your negative vibes into positive ones. prioritise your work on your assignments and study hard instead of wasting time feeding your doubts (i know you’ll regret leaving everything to the last minute). be grateful for every opportunity you have coming your way. Be thankful for every person who has stuck by you in your lowest, when you nag and whine about life. don’t let any negative and petty thing overshadow the small BUT good things you have in your life. acknowledge the tiny successes you have, but don’t boast about them. acknowledge the mistakes you do, but don’t dwell on them so much to the point that you remain stuck and end up doing nothing about them. acknowledge every feeling you might feel when a situation crops up, but don’t let those emotions make you bitter. finally, pray as much as you can – God will get you through this, i know deep down that he’s got something great for you (remember Psalm 46:10)!

despite the life fails you do, you are a beautiful and a strong girl Mer – and i know you can get through this all 🙂 now stop procrastinating and go do your assignments! 

hang in there – you got this 🙂 
much love,

Marilyn xxxx


 

3 – The Wrong Side of Empathy [a poem]

I had a go at trying on your shoes to get a grasp
of your ways in managing to walk through life –
to gain a better insight into your perceptions, your feelings,
your methods of dealing with everything being thrown at you.

Now I’m learning that my feet continue to blister
since I became stuck in these shoes I’m growing out of
as they make my knees faint – yet I choose not to remove them.
My heart has been hooked to these shoe laces which I tied so forcefully
around my ankles and they make me tumble in useless worry for you.
Yet I still long to jump in pools of rain, grind through slime and mud,
crawl through weeds and thorns and climb rocky landslides
for the person you no longer are.

These knots which stifle my lower limbs have now shrunk
and it’s almost too futile to undo their strength and I’m struggling to let go.
But slowly they are loosening themselves, and so is my heart
as it remembers what it feels like to slip into a pair which fits me;
which suits me; which doesn’t weaken my knees nor bruise my feet
as I get through this rocky pathway life is unfolding ahead of me.

It’s now that I realise I should’ve never lost myself in your shoes
when you don’t even think about stopping for a second to seek mine.
It’s time to throw away the burdened closet of clogs
belonging to strangers I no longer talk to
and burn the sneakers and boots which others gave me
just because they ran out style – well I ran out of patience!

I shall kindly return your pair to your cobbler friends – ­
they’re full of holes and tatters and I have finally accepted
I cannot repair holes and tatters of those I once called mine.

I will ground myself firmly using my own two bare feet
amidst the presence of burnt skin and scarred toes
and allow earth’s soil to heal the wounds I’m unable to cure.
Let clouds of rain pour down to nourish my senses,
let bricks and stones trip me over and make me fall
I will finally let my hands to pick myself up and stand tall
by myself! For myself!